CLARKSBURG, WV—Video-streaming service Netflix reportedly checked in on local customer Shane Fowler late Tuesday after a marathon viewing session in which the 31-year-old watched the entire third season of the TV series Sons Of Anarchy in one...

BALTIMORE—After taking under a month to sort through the carnage from the Ravens’ Super Bowl victory parade, Baltimore police issued an encouraging report Friday, revealing that the festivities had resulted in just 20,278 fatalities. According...

The Divine Creator of All Things addressed a throng of dedicated fans on his troubled working relationship with the former Pope.

BLANCHESTER, OH—Sources confirmed Friday that the person currently cutting local man Russell Elko’s hair is merely the latest in a long line of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of human beings who over the course of the 30-year-old’s lifetim...

Loyal Driveway Patiently Waiting For Owner To Return From Work

American multimillionaire Dennis Tito, famous for being the first space tourist in 2001, announced plans to finance a 500-day mission that would send a spacecraft carrying a married civilian couple to fly by Mars and then return to Earth.

Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is being proactive in the face of his department's potential budget cuts by scouring the country for road signs, traffic lights, and other unattended resources before Friday's sequester hits.

VATICAN CITY—Making the rounds at Vatican City Thursday as he said a final goodbye to colleagues on his last day as pontiff, Pope Benedict XVI reportedly took a few moments in the early afternoon to stop by the prayer writers’ room and wish hi...

By Benedict XVI

At a meeting with investors this morning, IBM demonstrated its advanced artificial intelligence system Watson, which famously beat two champions at Jeopardy! in 2011, by serving a pastry dish that was created by the supercomputer as part of the com...

WASHINGTON—Investigative journalist Bob Woodward announced Thursday that he’s received credible information from an anonymous source confirming that Woodward hasn’t been a relevant force in American journalism in 40 years.

PHOENIX—Following her historic 8th-place finish at the Daytona 500 last weekend, NASCAR driver Danica Patrick confirmed Thursday that she has been inundated with thousands of letters from the country’s inspired little girl.

Pope Benedict Leaves Church In Helicopter With LeBron James, Paul Feig For Some Reason

JUNCTION, TX—A senseless tragedy has left this small, close-knit community in the hill country of Texas reeling as they struggle to absorb the devastating news that beloved local drunk driver Chris Dehaene, 41, died in a head-on highway collision Tu...

NEW YORK—Declaring the creation a worthy follow-up to her widely successful news aggregation website, media magnate Arianna Huffington unveiled today her latest project known as the Huffington Man, an enormous creature aggregated from the body parts...

Rob Todd, 42, has always fantasized about walking in on a woman using the bathroom, but he’s never acted on it and he never will.

What Does Our X-Ray Show?

After nearly eight years as head of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI will step down from the papacy today at 8 p.m.