Onion News
Smitten Man Can't Believe Woman He's On Date With Also Into The Beatles
NEW YORK—In an astonishing coincidence of aligning personal interests, local 29-year-old Brad Holdtman reported last night that his 28-year-old blind date Pauline Geary is, just like him, a fan of the rock band the Beatles.
Categories: News
Jonathan Franzen Rushes Over To Guy On Subway Reading 'The Corrections' To Introduce Himself
NEW YORK—After noticing a fellow passenger reading his critically acclaimed 2001 novel The Corrections on an uptown-bound 1 train, sources reported author Jonathan Franzen excitedly rushed over to the reader to shake his hand and introduce himself.
Categories: News
Super Bowl Blood Test Reveals Jim, John Harbaugh Have Different Fathers
NEW ORLEANS—In a stunning revelation, doctors announced at a press conference Thursday that mandatory Super Bowl blood testing proved that head coaches Jim and John Harbaugh do not share the same father.
Categories: News
American Voices: Hillary Clinton's Last Day As Secretary Of State
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will step down today after four years on the job and hand over the reins of U.S.
Categories: News